They call me the postman here on the net.
(Although I have never once delivered a single piece of mail in real life.)
What I do tho, is send thousands of Internet surfers
free jokes and cartoons every day through email.
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(HERE IS A LITTLE SAMPLE OF THE HUMOR)
same route for over 35years.
This was to be his last day before he retired.
He neared the last house on the route, which happened
to be the home of Judy, a 35 year old married woman named Judy with a somewhat questionable
reputation. As he walked up the steps to the front door, Judy greeted him in a very
sexy and thin red teddy with lace. "Is this your last day, postman?" She asked in
a low and sultry voice. He could barely nod his reply. "Y-yes, I am retiring today."
He managed to stammer. "Well, come in for a minute won't you?" And how could he refuse?
They spent hours in heated sex. After wards, Judy fixed him a breakfast of steak and
eggs, hashbrowns, the works. And then as the postman was dressing and getting ready to
leave, Judy handed him a farewell card, in which he found 5 dollars.
At this point, the postman gave her a somewhat puzzled look and said,
"I don't get it, Judy, first you fuck my brains out, then you cook me a breakfast
fit for a king, and then you only give me 5 dollars??? What's up with that?"
"Well."said Judy. "Last night I told my husband you were retiring, And I asked him
what we should do. He said 'Fuck him, give him 5 dollars.' The breakfast was my idea."
An Irishman walks into a bar and asks for two beers. He then pulls a small
green-skinned man out of his pocket and puts him on the counter.
As he's drinking one drink and the green man is drinking the other,
an Englishman down the bar who has had a few too many drinks says
"Hey, what's that little green thing down there?"
The green man runs down the bar gives the Englishman a
raspberry, "SPLBLBLBLT!," right in the face and runs back to the Irishman.
The Englishman mops himself off and says to the Irishman,
"Hey, what is that thing, anyway?"
The Irishman replies, "Have some respect. He's a leprechaun."
"Oh, all right." the Englishman says sullenly. They all go back to drinking beer.
An hour or so later, the Englishman is really plastered.
"Boy, that leprechaun sure is an ugly little bastard!"
he says. The leprechaun runs down the bar and gives the Englishman a raspberry again- SPLBLBLBLBT!
This time the Englishman is really mad!
"Tell that leprechaun that if he does that again I'll cut his dick off!" he shouts
"You can't do that" says the Irishman. "Leprechauns don't have dicks."
"How do they pee, then?" asks the bewilderedEnglishman.
"They don't," says the Irishman. "They go SPLBLBLBLBT."
A man walked into a therapists' office looking very depressed, "Doc,
you've got to help me. I can't go on like this."
"What's the problem?" the doctor inquired. "Well, I'm 35 years old
and I still have no luck with the ladies. No matter how hard I try, I
just seem to scare them away."
"My friend, this is not a serious problem. You just need to work on
your self-esteem. Each morning, I want you to get up and run to the
bathroom mirror. Tell yourself that you are a good person, a fun
person, and an attractive person. But say it with real conviction.
Within a week you'll have women buzzing all around you." The man
seemed content with this advice and walked out of the office a bit excited.
Three weeks later he returned with the same downtrodden
expression on his face. "Did my advice not work?" asked the doctor.
"It worked alright. For the past several weeks I've enjoyed some of
the best moments in my life with the most fabulous looking women."
"So, what's your problem?"
"I don't have a problem," the man replied. "My wife does!"
Little Johnny was sitting in his bedroom feeling really
depressed. In walked his dad and asked, "What's up son?"
Johnny replied, "Dad, I really need to get laid. I'm really horny!"
With that the father pulled $100 from his wallet and said,
"Here you go son, go in to town tonight and have a good time."
"Great!" said the boy and off he went.
The next day Little Johnny is in his room feeling
good. In walks the old man again and asks, "How did
you do "Wow son, how did you manage that?" his father asked with interest.
"Well," said the boy, "I went in to town like you told
me and I met grandma there and told her what I was up to and she took me to her place and fixed me up".
The father's jaw dropped and he shouted, "What! You screwed my mother!"
Little Johnny said, "why not dad? You screw mine!"
A woman enrolled in nursing school was attending an anatomy
class. The subject of the day was involuntary muscles.
The instructor, hoping to perk up the students a bit, asked
the woman "Do you know what your asshole does when you're having an orgasm?"
"Sure" she said. "He's at home, taking care of the kids"
